"O" is for Others This next concept is the key to success, but unfortunately it is rather complicated to implement well. Children exhibiting RAD traits can be very attention-seeking and dramatic, and how that manifests is in attempts to be seen as a victim. A small example: a child once candidly stated to me that he’d figured out that to get what he wants, he manipulates people to feel sorry for him.  Communicating with others present in the child’s life is imperative . To b

Chapter 8 - "R" is for Respect/Reflective Tone  Respect is key to my entire approach. It is a very popular opinion in Appalachia, and likely in other areas as well, that respect needs to be earned to be deserved and if I am not shown respect, I don’t need to return respect. I think this is faulty thinking; when I worked with foster kids, especially teens, the first thing I told them is, “I will respect you, if you respect me.” They had heard various forms of that statement th

"T" is for Trust These children have lost trust in the people who are trying to care for them, the people who are neglecting them, and/or with the world at large. Many experts stress consistency and structure and encourage parents to implement a routine that is to be followed daily. I think there is a place for doing things the same way, especially at bedtime, but too much structure can be harmful. In the case of children with Reactive Attachment Disorder, it gives these hype

Chapter 6 - "N" is for Neutrality & Non-Defensiveness When one understands that the child’s goal is control of others and of situations, it’s easier to see that when they are acting out, they are often trying to manipulate others’ emotions and reactions. If they can make the parent/caregiver mad, then they are the “puppet master” of sorts and can bend the situation in the direction they want it to go. If the parent/guardian (in cases of children with RAD it is usually the...

Chapter 5 - “O” is for Options  I think most parents incorporate offering options or choices to their kids as a way to help them start making independent decisions. This is a wonderful starting place! However, it’s important in these instances that the parent or caregiver retains control over the options that are offered, and it doesn’t become a slippery slope and simply a façade of control. For example, if I tell my child that they can choose peas or carrots for dinner, they

Chapter 4 - “C” is for Control  Note: If you have not read the Preface through Chapter 3, please do so. Some of the tactics explained below will be difficult to implement well if taken out of context.   As stated throughout the preceding chapters, most children’s behaviors stem from control because one of the early defining qualities of being human is “I want what I want when I want it” and all children move through their initial years seeking gratification and control. But s

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Understanding Reactive Attachment Disorder Preface: I fully realize that the current Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as Disinhibited Social Engagement Disorder but since I believe that they have made it more obscure and less understood, I will continue to use the acronym RAD. At times I might say, “RAD child”; this in no way means I don’t understand that it is a child with RAD traits (usually some not all), but

There are many children who experience attachment issues, yet I believe this to be the most misunderstood disorder, especially by professionals. In fact, what I know now, I first learned from the dedicated foster parents I worked a dozen years with at a non-profit agency. I also reviewed literature as part of a research study. This knowledge informed the development of my own techniques in private practice to help this very bright and tenacious population. Throughout these bl

We are excited to introduce you to our blog, a dedicated space where mental health professionals from Mares Cares Counseling will share their knowledge, insights, and expertise. Here, you will hear from our founder Trish Mares, an experienced mental health advocate, alongside our team of licensed counselors and social workers. Together, we are committed to offering practical advice, addressing common mental health challenges, and providing thoughtful perspectives on personal