Conclusion: Living the CONTROL Approach If there is one truth that reverberates from the preceding chapters, it is that children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or similar traits are adaptive, not broken. They have learned, often brilliantly, how to survive in environments where their most basic needs were not met. The behaviors that frustrate and exhaust caregivers are, at their core, strategies that once worked. The challenge before us is to reshape these responses,

"L” is for Love According to the Beatles, “All You Need is Love.” Debatable but possible. Love is such an important and vital part of our lives. We see how people thrive when they are supported by a family, friends, and community, but imagine what our lives would be like if we didn't have that support system in place from the beginning and that we had only ourselves to rely upon. These children may not have had that love and engagement from the very beginning and may have spe

"O" is for Others This next concept is the key to success, but unfortunately it is rather complicated to implement well. Children exhibiting RAD traits can be very attention-seeking and dramatic, and how that manifests is in attempts to be seen as a victim. A small example: a child once candidly stated to me that he’d figured out that to get what he wants, he manipulates people to feel sorry for him. Communicating with others present in the child’s life is imperative . To b

Chapter 8 - "R" is for Respect/Reflective Tone Respect is key to my entire approach. It is a very popular opinion in Appalachia, and likely in other areas as well, that respect needs to be earned to be deserved and if I am not shown respect, I don’t need to return respect. I think this is faulty thinking; when I worked with foster kids, especially teens, the first thing I told them is, “I will respect you, if you respect me.” They had heard various forms of that statement th